grown California artichoke, steamed, talked sternly to, and served with
an organic oregano and garlic balsamella sauce for dipping.
goat cheese, breaded, fried, and served with a rosemary, garlic and sun-dried
tomato sauce for skinny-dipping.
brutal recipe of prawns grilled to an Uncle Manny twenty-count (Uncle
Manny was a heavy drinker), bitch-slapped with organic basil, extra virgin
olive oil and garlic.
mushroom caps stuffed with shrimp, porcini mushroom, and a blend of romano,
parmesan, and provolone cheese. Served on a sled.
and Roasted Garlic
highly intelligent Italian bread with a whole bulb of freshly roasted
organic garlic and pound of fresh weight watching Olestra. Toot your own
organic dirt dished with a tarnished spoon, served with a side of cousin
Santino's paste. Highly recommended and gratifyingly expensive!
Soups and Salads
mixed greens, roma tomato, gold bell pepper, and shaved purple onion.
Fredo was killed for this recipe, so you'd better enjoy it.
large serving of organic mixed greens and early Roman era croutons with
our salmonela-free, eggless Caesar dressing. Order this only if you can
explain the point of eating an eggless Caesar dressing.
sliced, organically-grown, fresh roma tomatoes with slices of whole mozzarella
cheese and organic basil in a balsamic vinagrette.
Italian classic made with cruelty-free ingredients. Visualize whirled
and Garlic Soup
oniony garlicky taste treat, but definitely a soup for the lovelorn.
expensive, high-status, organic, cruelty- and hormone-free cream soup
with sea bass, mussels, farm-raised clams, and shrimp, topped with chives
and gently grated parmesan cheese, served with much aplomb, groveling
and asides to the general clientele on your good taste and obvious breeding.
(la zawn ya)
definitive Italian lasagna with spicy Italian sausage, and hormone- and
cruelty-free mozzarella, riccotta, parmesan, and romano cheese. No imagination
stuffed with spinach and riccotta cheese, served with your choice of balsamella
and parmesan or marinara sauce. The "vigil" comes later in the
Red Clam Sauce
linguini served in a classic tomato sauce with farm-raised clams, red
wine and garlic. just say "Howdy there, li'l segniorena!"
with prosciutto, porcini mushrooms and spinach, served with balsamella
and parmesan or marinara sauce. A bitch to make but Oh So Sassy!
Niece's Pet Easter Duck "Waddles"
(Traditional Pasta Especiale)
gender-inspecific, free-range duck in an organically-grown, sun-dried
tomato-herb pesto, served on a platonic, mutually-supportive bed of farfalle
free-range chicken breast in a Marsalla sauce with braised onion, garlic,
and sauteed mushrooms.
hormone- and antibiotic-filled, frightened veal cutlet standing for months
in the same sauce -- for conscienceless bastards.
the karmically ignorant, veal loin chop sauteed with commercially-grown
sage, cheap garlic, and industrial-grade chardonnay.
slices of homone- and cruelty-free, non-human sentient being tenderloin
in a red wine demiglaze.
Il Sea Duce
hairless, sexy, aggressively seasoned sea bass in a socially democratic
sauce of extra virgin olive oil, lemon zest, garlic and northern alpine
herbs. Never surrender your plate!
the haggis of the vegetable world, served in a spicy marinara sauce with
very ripened mozzarella and parmesan cheese.
stolen pears, poached in red wine, clove, and brown sugar, served with
pastry shell filled with Italian custard cream. Very traditional and unexciting.
Get a life.
York-style cheese cake with a raspberry glaze topping floating on dark
chocolate sauce. A mugging in each serving.
apple pastry a la mode drizzled with caramel sauce and served on a strumpet.
served in raw crude oil, for those who just can't get enough to eat before
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Last update: 29 August